Talking to your children about Sex & Relationships

Angela Birch

1. How did you learn about sex? What was your experience of sex education – how could it have been better?

2. Show by example. What are your values and attitudes towards sex? Remember children don’t always do what you say; they’ll do as you do! So be prepared for …but you did!

3. Ensure there is agreement and consistency of relationship and sex education messages from both parents

4. Don’t leave it for later. From birth, establish open 2-way communication with your child. Research has shown that talking about sex and relationships will not encourage your children to go out and have sex earlier. Identify opportunities to incorporate sex and relationship learning within other activities you do with your children; encourage familiarity and discussion by providing your children with age appropriate books/leaflets/booklets.

5. Ensure the information you give is age specific and covers a range of areas: friendships, gender differences, physical and emotional changes in boys and girls, changes that occur in puberty, sex and the law, child protection, contraception, sexually transmitted infections etc.

6. Don’t leave it all to the school! Despite the UK having the highest Teenage Pregnancy rates in Europe and rising STI rates, Sex and Relationship Education (SRE) although improving it is still not compulsory and reports from young people state that teachers are often too embarrassed to cover topics comprehensibly.

7. Ensure you re-iterate positive messages about relationships, sex and body image to build confidence, self esteem and assertiveness in your children. The average age of first sex is now 14yrs with the majority of young women in particular stating they regretted it. Research has shown that peer pressure and low levels of self esteem and confidence make girls in particular, vulnerable to early sex.

8. Your children own their bodies; encourage them to love, value and respect their bodies and to respect other people’s.

9. Don’t forget boys need sex education too! But the key messages will be different… Research carried out with young boys indicate they also feel pressured to have sex by their male friends; reasons for having first sex was reported by young men to be due to ‘curiosity’ whilst for young women it was for emotional reasons.

10. Join a workshop. It’s probably been a long time since you last went to school, so equip yourself with the knowledge, skills, confidence and resources so you can talk confidently to your children about sex and relationships!

See: www.stimulusforwomen.co.uk for details on all our workshops