Challenging Times for Parents and Carers of Pre-Teens and Teenagers

Suddenly it seems your little children are no longer as malleable or as in awe of you as they once were. They’ve become Teenagers and Pre-Teens! This can bring about challenges and changes in a family that you may be totally unprepared for. Your children’s world is expanding, beyond the family, and with it their thoughts and feelings are a swirling mass of hormones and confusion. A new way of communicating is needed.

There is no quick fix to parenting; it is a life long process of constant adaptation, perseverance, negotiation and above all patience and love. As your children enter their teens you’re dealing with your own feelings and reactions as well as theirs. It can be difficult to admit, not only to yourself, but to others, that you find you don’t necessarily “like” your children and that you are struggling, feeling downtrodden, humiliated and sometimes even bullied.

The path to successful parenting of teens and pre teens can begin with a stock take of your own life skills. Realising that a tweak here and there of your own language patterns and ways of communicating can in fact open doors all of a sudden that have seemingly been slammed hard in your face.

It came as a terrible shock to me when I found myself struggling with three teens and pre teens who almost over night were bigger than me and demonstrating a level of aggression that at times I found frightening. I was Mrs Middle Class Mum, intelligent and with a good job administrating the office of an NLP, (Neuro Linguistic Programming), company focusing on providing training in communications skills. Surely I should have three perfectly behaved, focused and at all times positive adolescents!

Applying my training as an NLP practitioner within my family life was an enormous help but I needed to focus on my children and find some help in understanding more about them and their changes and how I could adapt to being the parent of a teenager and young adult rather than a small child.

I am not an expert in parent training and would not claim to be one. I have no specific qualifications in the field. However, I am a mother of three and I am passionate about improving my relationship with my children. This led me to discover two people who are both highly experienced and qualified parent trainers, DORO MARDEN and DAVID JOCKLESON, and I have now worked with them both. What I have learned from working with them has proved invaluable and I feel totally inspired to bring these wonderful trainers and those learnings to other parents so they can benefit as I have.

My mission is to be able to provide for other parents and carers, courses in parenting skills with these experienced, qualified, inspirational trainers.
The focus is on teenagers and pre teens as I believe this is an age group which has been neglected. There are innumerable mother and baby groups, toddler groups, NCT classes etc. where parents and carers can share their joys and woes about nappy rash, sore nipples and the terrible twos. As we move to junior school playground chat and coffee mornings can provide a background of shared knowledge and experiences by which we can gauge our own behaviours and that of our children. By the time we become parents of teenagers we can become suddenly isolated from other parents. A lot of mothers return to work, if they are not already working mums. Then as our network reduces, we can feel isolated and even abandoned by our children as they no longer want to participate in family activities or share their thoughts and feelings with us and we are left in a state of flux. Are we supposed to know how to cope with these changes? How can we admit that we’re having difficulties without the scorn of other parents?

Parenting courses allow people to see they are not alone with their worries, feelings of inadequacy or uncertainty. It also allows us to celebrate our successes! There’s support out there.
Parenting is usually, though not always, a joint activity between mothers and fathers. When parents work together as a team, even if they are separated, it provides a structure in which the teenagers’ behaviour can be supported and both parents can gain enormously from being involved.

I was immensely impressed when on a recent parenting course I had six couples in attendance and the way they shared both their honest feelings and the load of responsibility was brave and inspiring. I’d love all couples to work together like this.
There is so much for us all to learn and share and whether this is done as a couple, in a group or through simply sharing experiences on a website it is vital we are open to being better informed parents so we can support our growing teenagers as they become the fine young confident adults we want them to be in today’s changing and challenging world.

Interested in Parenting Courses - Contact Helen Evans for more information:
deborahpriceconsulting.com